A Broken Wall

The irony is too striking to dismiss. It is Av, the most historically painful and tragic month of the Jewish year. The month when we commemorate the saddest events in our history, and the month associated with crying and mourning, beginning in the time of the Meraglim (Spies). It is a month filled with both tragic events that happened by us and to us, the connection between the two probably not by chance. The most devastating, along with perhaps the Holocaust, was the destruction of both the first and second Beis Hamikdash, with the pillage of a people left wandering and homeless.

We know from our tradition that the losses we incurred then were not merely the result of cruel barbarians of the Roman and Babylonian empires though we remember their torture and horrific atrocities. Our sages recorded that it was the result of sinas chinam--“baseless hatred” between Jews. That was what drove the shechina out of our midst and made us vulnerable to outside enemies.  Hashem’s presence, (Whose name is also Shalom) can not dwell amongst animosity. It just can not work. If we can not be kind to one another, there is no point of anything else. All the purpose of Hashem’s creation is to develop and perfect ourselves into selfless people of a higher calling, who do chesed for one another, and bring G-dliness into this world by the way we treat each other.

So back to the irony. I look at what is happening at the Kotel of late--at the one Wall that is left of the outside of the Beis Hamikdash. The one physical reminder of what we had and what we are striving for, and I feel discouraged. It is Av, the month where it said that those who mourn for the Beis Hamikdash will merit to see it rebuilt. Rav Gedalia Schorr in his sefer Ohr Gedalyahu explains the connection in that statement. If we remember what we lost, we will work toward getting that back, and we will be part of the generation that sees the geulah.  But maybe it is also that if we remember what caused the Beis Hamikdash to be lost, it will help us rebuild our relationships with others and we will henceforth see the geulah. So that major tensions broke out on Rosh Chodesh Av, at the Kotel, between Reform and Chareidi women  of all places, is to me, a remarkable irony.

I know that Women of the Wall and the now counter-group Women for the Wall mean well. One can argue the legitimacy of each side’s beliefs and vision, but that is not what I am concerned about. I am saddened and afraid for what is happening between Jewish women for the sake of ideals. You can disagree with the mission or approach of Women of the Wall but forming a counter group can only have one outcome. It will only strengthen and reinforce what Women of the Wall is fighting for and embolden the group to not relent. It is human nature that obstacles produce more adrenaline, more persistence.

Saying Tehillim in a large group to counter what Women of the Wall’s movement to make changes at the Kotel is an interesting idea. I respect the thought of doing something positive to counter something you oppose, and perhaps you had planned this as a peaceful protest. However, reading about the tension, conflict, and resentment that is now full blown on both sides at the Kotel as a result, makes me wonder how those words of Tehillim are received in the heavens.

It can be argued that Women of the Wall, by starting a movement like this in such a sensitive place, are the ones who are responsible for creating tension and resentment, but I think as Torah observing women, we have a high standard of behavior to reach, and how we react to this has the potential to either perpetuate or minimize further problems for us as a people.  

If we can learn anything from our history, it is that our downfall has always come from within; it is only when we are crumbling from within that we empower our enemies from the outside.

So to the women of Israel who are perturbed by Women of the Wall, I appeal to you with a small suggestion. If you really disagree with what Women of the Wall is trying to achieve, think about one of the most effective ways of impacting people. You must know the parable of the sun and the wind arguing over who would successfully get a man to take off his coat. The wind made him hold on tighter, and the sun, in its warm embrace, succeeded. If you believe in your way of life, don’t stand in the way of someone who is desperately trying to change that. Perhaps as an alternative, maybe you can go to the kotel when Women of the Wall is there. Take a quiet moment to go over to one of the group, smile, say a kind word, and if it feels right maybe even invite one of them to experience a shabbat meal in your home. Embrace her, don’t push her away. I wonder what would happen.

Hatred is almost always perpetuated in groups and mobs and it rarely exists when individuals “get to know each other.” Hatred happens from a distance, it is so difficult to hurt someone when you make eye contact, when the human connection is ignited. When we cut ourselves off from the individual we oppose, we can live with the fight; when we take the time to connect, to know, to embrace, we almost automatically create connection and through that, mutual respect and harmony.

I know you are probably concerned about the impact of Women of the Wall on what you view as the Torah way of life, but I hope that in your fears, you are being mindful about the implications of strife on Jewish survival.

May Hashem grant all the women of Israel the wisdom to know how to bring G-dliness to this world, to Jerusalem and back to the Wall. May we all be women for Shalom above all and through that, may Hashem restore His presence to our wanting and broken world, speedily in our days.

Tzirel Rutstein

Av 5773

July 2013